New things....

In life, nothing is a guarantee; everything is a risk, a chance. These past months have been very eventful, sometimes I feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride, or as if someone has put me on tv and fast forwarded me. And how I wish the stop button would be pushed. It annoys me when my life doesn’t take the turns I want it to take. I try to pull one way and everything else pulls the next. I try to make something and life brings it down. I fall in love wholeheartedly and life has other plans, I decide I’m ready for something and it turns out just the opposite. So, today I take time out and hit the pause button and think. I’m here, nothing I say or do will change what has happened. So I guess accepting is the first step, it can be hard, but moving on is the hardest. Leaving behind what you’ve cherished is tough. So, what have I been up to?

1. Trying to accept that not all love stories get to their happy ending easily, Learning that once you find your love, no matter what, no matter who and no matter how much it takes, or how far away you are, you don’t stop loving them. They stay with you, in your heart in your soul, in your very being.

2. Learning to be a mom- Yep you read right. No, I didn’t have a baby, God had other plans. Her name is Yasmin Vasquez, five years old and a beauty. You see, this man I know learned the same lesson as above, but in a more harsher way- his wife left him with six young children to take care of. I don’t fully understand how yet, but he felt that I could help out, so I’m a surrogate mom. She is beautiful and sweet, but has her days also. Being a mom is new for me, yeah I’ve taken care of my brothers, but this is really different. She calls me ‘ma’ and counts on me a lot. I try my best but I keep doing mistakes, I’ll get the hang of it- someday. My mom and my brother really help, without I would be lost. Believe me a five year old toddler is challenging, but I get my reward when I hear her ‘te quiero mami’ and get my goodnight kiss. However, I am glad to say I’m having fun! She is definetly fun, and the first day of classes was a blast, needless to say I miss my sleeping late in the mornings. Hmmm does this put me in the single mother category? Anyway you’ll be seeing a lot of yasmin in the future, So I am open for advice.

3. Trying to find myself- you know I don’t think anyone comes into this life fully prepared and armed, knowing exactly who they are and why. That’s me. I’ve been up, I’ve been down and in the middle. And learning to find out exactly who you are and why is not easy. You pass through a lot of pain, tears and frustration. But I guess I’ll get there and I’m definitely on my way. I think the hardest thing so far for me is to forgive. When I get hurt I tend to become really angry and resentful, but I think that forgiving those who hurt you is the best way to get them back. What do you all think?

So far, this is it, this has taken up a lot of my summer. But I guess I’m progressing even if it is an inch at a day. So that’s if for this editions of Judy’s recent activities stay tuned for more.

How do I?

Darling sat by clear river, her favorite place in the ranch. yet not even here could she find tranquility, peace and ultimately happiness which she so sought for. In her mind, the questioned throbbed with her very pulse, her very heart,"How do I..." it seemed to ask.How do I let go? forget all the crap people said, this was real life, this was HER real life. and it was her heart which was hurting. He'd done it again, and again she'd forgiven him, but had she really? how many times must she do it? he'd always say the same things wouldn't he? it was dawning on her now... he'd always say he loved her, that it was his only weakness, that it would take time for him to over come it. He would always say he was sorry, that those other girls didn't mean anything for him, that words he told him were just words, that it was his cousin, that they were the one's looking for him. And Darling realized, again she'd forgive him, because he was the only one she could love, her family had accepted him, her mom reluctantly but she had. her father trusted him. she had never gotten this close to anyone... he was her everything. She had given him her all, now how did she get it back? inside her, something was changing, and she knew she had had enough. now she wanted to know, How do i stop loving him? how to forget his smile, his touch, the kisses, their moment's together. How do I overcome this great a love. She knew she simply couldn't walk away, that wasn't the way things worked. He had taught her how to love- now, if only he'd teach her to forget. But life was strange, and love did stupid things to you, she wasn't sure, but she knew she'd had enough... now, Darling thought, HOW DO I do it? slowly, forget him day by day... all at once, send him to hell.... force myself to realize that he will never change, but what if he does change? what if he doesn't... How does she do it?

Please Join me in a prayer:

This worked
for my regionals game, so It will work
don't laugh, just say the prayer!

Almighty one

I come today in humble prayer

asking you to give the players of Manchester United

your blessing.

May all their shots be sure

may their kicks be with intent

may every gesture be in advance

Lord, be with them as they are in their fields,

I pray that you give them strenght courage and discipline to win...

Lord I ask this along with all the millions of their fans
thank you...

Amen



MAY I HEAR AN AMEN ALL?

I've been away...

I've been away...but now I'm back
I had taken with me my sadness
but I left it there and brought only joy..
the sorrows I've left behind.

I saw misery like I've seen nowhere
yet I have heard the laughter of pure happiness
I've tasted the sweetest wine,
and swallowed the most bitter figs
I've been away but now I return.

And On my trip I saw what once was.
and too I've seen what could have been
but no matter what I couldn't see what will be
Yes I've been away but I came home

you see this trip cost me nothing,
Yet I gave up everything to go
it wasn't around the world,
not far or wide, just here close by
I've been away to see myself...
I went but now I'm Back.

To All Bloggers

hello everyone....
Please note that I am back, so you can now look forward to more great entries.. i've missed you all!
that said:
Did you all know that In OW the pepitos is for fifty cents?? Honestly what a barbarity, the usual small shiling pepitos is for double the amount.. what is the cost of pumpkin rising too? Can somebody explain to me WHY OH WHY??

For us...

Hey everyone
I took a break of my very busy busy schedule to write up a note.. everyone out there, we poor souls here at SHJC are on finals, exams begin next week, so do pray for us sinners back here....
Guys i wish you the best!
Now that the semester is almost over, i sit back and think about all the stuff i've gone through this semester... and it seems like a lifetime. I am kind of sad to think bout the semester almost over, this was one of the good old times. straight b pluses and A's on everything except algebra. I will especially miss my moral descion making class. i learnt so much from Father Kevin, He got me through soo much. next semester is going to be different, since i am in my final rounds, i will only be taking 3 courses, and 3 the followin semester. they are not offering carribean lit and world history next semester. All in all. a semster is over, and i feel new and exciting vibrations for the one to come...
if i don't get a chance to say it then:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
PLEASE REMEMBER TO SHARE THIS CHRISTMAS!!!

Yet I love her...

I saw her in the begining of last semester, on my way to the cafe.. I can see her so clearly now....
she was wearing the green sleeveless shirt, and that annoying middy jeans skirt I hate so much. her hair was long and black then, and her eyebrows looked like hell. And she looked lost and lonely. Ok, I've never been the hero kind of person...but the look she wore as she stood by the classroom door watching the students go by hit me.. and at that moment I decided to become her hero. I put on my friendliest smile, and smiled right up at her... and she gave me a ghost of smile (that same smile has mad guys go head over heels, i know this for a fact) i asked her name and told her mine. That was all it took to intrest me... this child needed saving and somehow God had given me the job. coincidentally she had two classes with me and i was ecstatic. i asked her over to my house and she shyly agreed, supposedly it was to help me learn some words, but we ended up doing nails... every time i remember the first look at her little toes i have to grin.. i still call them 'frodo's foot'. i don't know why, but i began opening myself up to her. telling her about myself, my life my troubles. at first she only pasted on her fake smile and kinda nodded once in a while. but i didn't give up, she was my little lost kitten.. slowly oh ever so slowly, she begin to thaw out and speak to me... to open up. I tell you those moments were the hardest, for when she moved in with me, she would lock herself up in the room, and seem to block out the very sunshine. there were times when i was so frigin frustrated with her... she seemed to be floating in a sea of not caring. i tried to get her to tell me what she was feeling, what was wrong.. but many times to no avial. when people started seeing us together they kept asking if she was my sister... ironically they say we look alike, in fact someone just told me that five seconds ago! anyway, i tired and i tried to understand her, to understand the bitterness, the sadness i could see reflected in her eyes.. and i couldn't. what or who had hurt her this much? finally months later, she told me about her little runaway love.. ah now i understood. this was known territory. this pain i could understand. So the hero in me worked harder to make her happy. i went out of my way to make her smile, i did all i could in my power to erase the ghost behind her... i realized i had grown to love this little imp of girl. she got her hair cut, and dyed, i did her eyebrows, i managed to desecrate most of those annoying clothes.. we had fun sometimes, we danced, we sang, we shared. but still she missed you, she still does. anything from you would make her alert, a text, a surprise call for valentine, the blogs. i want you to know that... she missed you. the rest isn't in my power to say.
back to her. to this day,even though she sometimes seems to be so faraway from me, although sometimes i feel I've lost her, yet i love her. i am still her, still trying to be hero, still giving her hugs she shrinks from, still trying to erase the sadness in her eyes. yeah the sadness is still there, different but still there. but i'm still here, even though i piss her off sometimes, and she defiantly pisses me off sometimes, i'm still herE. I'm still trying to be her hero. she is the sister i never had, the best friend who hasn't betrayed me yet, the one to listen to my rass and still smile. yet i love her. for who she is, for her wacky self, her crazy theories, and the pain she carries within... i'm still not sure if I'm trying to save from the world, or from herself.. but i will keep on trying. YOU hear me? I'll stay right here, making you smile, trying to understand you, complaining to you and about you.. , i'm sorry for all the shit you've been through, for loving him and losing him, for all the stupid people who hurt you, and know that no matter what happens i will be here, and so help me God if anyone tries to hurt you... they have a she dragon to deal with.. so i wanted to dedicate this one to you, just for being you.... and don't worry.. someday i will erase the sadness, with the help of someone else of course!
Love ya my pretty desolate butterfly.


A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES IN YOU, EVEN WHEN YOU STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.

IF MY FRIEND WERE TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE- I WOULDN'T JUMP WITH THEM, I WOULD BE THERE TO CATCH THEM!

YESTERDAY BROUGHT THE BEGINNING, TOMMOROW BRINGS THE END, BUT SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE, WE'VE BECOME BEST FRIENDS.