Nothing lasts forever

New things....

2008-09-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

In life, nothing is a guarantee; everything is a risk, a chance. These past months have been very eventful, sometimes I feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride, or as if someone has put me on tv and fast forwarded me. And how I wish the stop button would be pushed. It annoys me when my life doesn’t take the turns I want it to take. I try to pull one way and everything else pulls the next. I try to make something and life brings it down. I fall in love wholeheartedly and life has other plans, I decide I’m ready for something and it turns out just the opposite. So, today I take time out and hit the pause button and think. I’m here, nothing I say or do will change what has happened. So I guess accepting is the first step, it can be hard, but moving on is the hardest. Leaving behind what you’ve cherished is tough. So, what have I been up to?

1. Trying to accept that not all love stories get to their happy ending easily, Learning that once you find your love, no matter what, no matter who and no matter how much it takes, or how far away you are, you don’t stop loving them. They stay with you, in your heart in your soul, in your very being.

2. Learning to be a mom- Yep you read right. No, I didn’t have a baby, God had other plans. Her name is Yasmin Vasquez, five years old and a beauty. You see, this man I know learned the same lesson as above, but in a more harsher way- his wife left him with six young children to take care of. I don’t fully understand how yet, but he felt that I could help out, so I’m a surrogate mom. She is beautiful and sweet, but has her days also. Being a mom is new for me, yeah I’ve taken care of my brothers, but this is really different. She calls me ‘ma’ and counts on me a lot. I try my best but I keep doing mistakes, I’ll get the hang of it- someday. My mom and my brother really help, without I would be lost. Believe me a five year old toddler is challenging, but I get my reward when I hear her ‘te quiero mami’ and get my goodnight kiss. However, I am glad to say I’m having fun! She is definetly fun, and the first day of classes was a blast, needless to say I miss my sleeping late in the mornings. Hmmm does this put me in the single mother category? Anyway you’ll be seeing a lot of yasmin in the future, So I am open for advice.

3. Trying to find myself- you know I don’t think anyone comes into this life fully prepared and armed, knowing exactly who they are and why. That’s me. I’ve been up, I’ve been down and in the middle. And learning to find out exactly who you are and why is not easy. You pass through a lot of pain, tears and frustration. But I guess I’ll get there and I’m definitely on my way. I think the hardest thing so far for me is to forgive. When I get hurt I tend to become really angry and resentful, but I think that forgiving those who hurt you is the best way to get them back. What do you all think?

So far, this is it, this has taken up a lot of my summer. But I guess I’m progressing even if it is an inch at a day. So that’s if for this editions of Judy’s recent activities stay tuned for more.

How do I?

2008-06-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Darling sat by clear river, her favorite place in the ranch. yet not even here could she find tranquility, peace and ultimately happiness which she so sought for. In her mind, the questioned throbbed with her very pulse, her very heart,"How do I..." it seemed to ask.How do I let go? forget all the crap people said, this was real life, this was HER real life. and it was her heart which was hurting. He'd done it again, and again she'd forgiven him, but had she really? how many times must she do it? he'd always say the same things wouldn't he? it was dawning on her now... he'd always say he loved her, that it was his only weakness, that it would take time for him to over come it. He would always say he was sorry, that those other girls didn't mean anything for him, that words he told him were just words, that it was his cousin, that they were the one's looking for him. And Darling realized, again she'd forgive him, because he was the only one she could love, her family had accepted him, her mom reluctantly but she had. her father trusted him. she had never gotten this close to anyone... he was her everything. She had given him her all, now how did she get it back? inside her, something was changing, and she knew she had had enough. now she wanted to know, How do i stop loving him? how to forget his smile, his touch, the kisses, their moment's together. How do I overcome this great a love. She knew she simply couldn't walk away, that wasn't the way things worked. He had taught her how to love- now, if only he'd teach her to forget. But life was strange, and love did stupid things to you, she wasn't sure, but she knew she'd had enough... now, Darling thought, HOW DO I do it? slowly, forget him day by day... all at once, send him to hell.... force myself to realize that he will never change, but what if he does change? what if he doesn't... How does she do it?

Please Join me in a prayer:

2008-04-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

This worked
for my regionals game, so It will work
don't laugh, just say the prayer!

Almighty one

I come today in humble prayer

asking you to give the players of Manchester United

your blessing.

May all their shots be sure

may their kicks be with intent

may every gesture be in advance

Lord, be with them as they are in their fields,

I pray that you give them strenght courage and discipline to win...

Lord I ask this along with all the millions of their fans
thank you...

Amen

MAY I HEAR AN AMEN ALL?

I've been away...

2008-03-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

I've been away...but now I'm back
I had taken with me my sadness
but I left it there and brought only joy..
the sorrows I've left behind.

I saw misery like I've seen nowhere
yet I have heard the laughter of pure happiness
I've tasted the sweetest wine,
and swallowed the most bitter figs
I've been away but now I return.

And On my trip I saw what once was.
and too I've seen what could have been
but no matter what I couldn't see what will be
Yes I've been away but I came home

you see this trip cost me nothing,
Yet I gave up everything to go
it wasn't around the world,
not far or wide, just here close by
I've been away to see myself...
I went but now I'm Back.

To All Bloggers

2008-01-14T16:44:00.000-08:00

hello everyone....
Please note that I am back, so you can now look forward to more great entries.. i've missed you all!
that said:
Did you all know that In OW the pepitos is for fifty cents?? Honestly what a barbarity, the usual small shiling pepitos is for double the amount.. what is the cost of pumpkin rising too? Can somebody explain to me WHY OH WHY??

For us...

2007-11-30T17:51:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone
I took a break of my very busy busy schedule to write up a note.. everyone out there, we poor souls here at SHJC are on finals, exams begin next week, so do pray for us sinners back here....
Guys i wish you the best!
Now that the semester is almost over, i sit back and think about all the stuff i've gone through this semester... and it seems like a lifetime. I am kind of sad to think bout the semester almost over, this was one of the good old times. straight b pluses and A's on everything except algebra. I will especially miss my moral descion making class. i learnt so much from Father Kevin, He got me through soo much. next semester is going to be different, since i am in my final rounds, i will only be taking 3 courses, and 3 the followin semester. they are not offering carribean lit and world history next semester. All in all. a semster is over, and i feel new and exciting vibrations for the one to come...
if i don't get a chance to say it then:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY
PLEASE REMEMBER TO SHARE THIS CHRISTMAS!!!

Yet I love her...

2007-11-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

I saw her in the begining of last semester, on my way to the cafe.. I can see her so clearly now....
she was wearing the green sleeveless shirt, and that annoying middy jeans skirt I hate so much. her hair was long and black then, and her eyebrows looked like hell. And she looked lost and lonely. Ok, I've never been the hero kind of person...but the look she wore as she stood by the classroom door watching the students go by hit me.. and at that moment I decided to become her hero. I put on my friendliest smile, and smiled right up at her... and she gave me a ghost of smile (that same smile has mad guys go head over heels, i know this for a fact) i asked her name and told her mine. That was all it took to intrest me... this child needed saving and somehow God had given me the job. coincidentally she had two classes with me and i was ecstatic. i asked her over to my house and she shyly agreed, supposedly it was to help me learn some words, but we ended up doing nails... every time i remember the first look at her little toes i have to grin.. i still call them 'frodo's foot'. i don't know why, but i began opening myself up to her. telling her about myself, my life my troubles. at first she only pasted on her fake smile and kinda nodded once in a while. but i didn't give up, she was my little lost kitten.. slowly oh ever so slowly, she begin to thaw out and speak to me... to open up. I tell you those moments were the hardest, for when she moved in with me, she would lock herself up in the room, and seem to block out the very sunshine. there were times when i was so frigin frustrated with her... she seemed to be floating in a sea of not caring. i tried to get her to tell me what she was feeling, what was wrong.. but many times to no avial. when people started seeing us together they kept asking if she was my sister... ironically they say we look alike, in fact someone just told me that five seconds ago! anyway, i tired and i tried to understand her, to understand the bitterness, the sadness i could see reflected in her eyes.. and i couldn't. what or who had hurt her this much? finally months later, she told me about her little runaway love.. ah now i understood. this was known territory. this pain i could understand. So the hero in me worked harder to make her happy. i went out of my way to make her smile, i did all i could in my power to erase the ghost behind her... i realized i had grown to love this little imp of girl. she got her hair cut, and dyed, i did her eyebrows, i managed to desecrate most of those annoying clothes.. we had fun sometimes, we danced, we sang, we shared. but still she missed you, she still does. anything from you would make her alert, a text, a surprise call for valentine, the blogs. i want you to know that... she missed you. the rest isn't in my power to say.
back to her. to this day,even though she sometimes seems to be so faraway from me, although sometimes i feel I've lost her, yet i love her. i am still her, still trying to be hero, still giving her hugs she shrinks from, still trying to erase the sadness in her eyes. yeah the sadness is still there, different but still there. but i'm still here, even though i piss her off sometimes, and she defiantly pisses me off sometimes, i'm still herE. I'm still trying to be her hero. she is the sister i never had, the best friend who hasn't betrayed me yet, the one to listen to my rass and still smile. yet i love her. for who she is, for her wacky self, her crazy theories, and the pain she carries within... i'm still not sure if I'm trying to save from the world, or from herself.. but i will keep on trying. YOU hear me? I'll stay right here, making you smile, trying to understand you, complaining to you and about you.. , i'm sorry for all the shit you've been through, for loving him and losing him, for all the stupid people who hurt you, and know that no matter what happens i will be here, and so help me God if anyone tries to hurt you... they have a she dragon to deal with.. so i wanted to dedicate this one to you, just for being you.... and don't worry.. someday i will erase the sadness, with the help of someone else of course!
Love ya my pretty desolate butterfly.

A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES IN YOU, EVEN WHEN YOU STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.

IF MY FRIEND WERE TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE- I WOULDN'T JUMP WITH THEM, I WOULD BE THERE TO CATCH THEM!

YESTERDAY BROUGHT THE BEGINNING, TOMMOROW BRINGS THE END, BUT SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE, WE'VE BECOME BEST FRIENDS.

TO HAVE LOVED.. WITHOUT EVER SEEING

2007-10-30T15:22:00.001-07:00

I never felt you kick,
I never felt you jump,
I didn't see your face,
Nor feel your little fingers.

I don't know how your eyes looked,
or whose nose you inherited.
I don't know if you had his hair or mine,
Nor did I see your first smile.

I don't know if you would be patient,
or temperemental like me
Oh what lie, when they said you were there.

And yet I loved you, Of that I am sure
without seeing you,
Without holding you,
I loved you, For you were.
and always will be Mia.

"the thing that hurts the most, is losing someone you love, without every having the chance to love them"

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO....

2007-10-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we girls tend to cling to things.. to hold on tight and refuse to let go. We are such emotional,romantic beings. But I've come to realize, through pain and sadness, through tears of joy and sorrow... that sometimes you just have to let go. You have to tell yourself that letting go is easier that holding on. Oh yeah, it hurts, especially if you are already accustomed to it. But you just have to let go...Because if you hold on, you'll only be hurting yourself more. so although it might hurt and sting like hell... its best to let go..,
let go of the friends that don't care about you the way you care about them...
let go of loves that need time to find themselves..
let go the family that don't appreciate you...
Let go of all the negative feelings..
let go of the sadness and tears...
Because it won't change, everything happens for a reason, and you just have to deal with it. and Sometimes riding solo is the best way, because then you can depend on yourself, and you get disappointed less. Because tears and grief, and fake smiles won't change anything.

A MILLION WORDS WON'T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENS... I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE TRIED
A MILLION TEARS WON'T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENS... I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE CRIED!

Poems

2007-09-27T16:51:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, rummaging in my room i found one of my old poem books, and I had kicks out of reading so, I decided to share them Please note, these go all the way back to 2000, so yeah you can laugh.enjoy!

I WAS WRONG:

I though i found it all,
when I looked into your eyes,
but this heart of mine,
was telling me lies.

I felt I had it all,
If i spent a while with you,
How many times i hoped,
you felt this way too.

I thought life was perfect,
if your smile came my way,
but now i know,
in my heart you cannot stay.

I thought i found love it you,
but i was wrong
you turned my life around and
brought it down with a bang
your heart belongs with her,
and with her it will stay
i've realized, you're not my sunshine ray

you were never mine, not for a single moment,
and somehow, i'll get over this torment,
so live your life, i've let you go,
and in the sea of life, continue, just row.

LOVING YOU:

Loving you sounds so easy
yet it is so hard,
because you push away
my heart leaving marred

loving you sounds so peaceful
yet it is my torment
and i try to understand
where all your feelings went

Loving you sounds so small,
yet to me it is the world
and every time you walk past
you don't realize my heart you've turned.

Loving you sounds so temporary,
yet for me it is forever,
because forget you, no matter what
I know, will be never
you don't realize my heart you've turned

SOMETIMES:

Sometimes life seems tough
and it seems you can't go on
sometimes thats it, you've had enough
and you don't know where to land.

sometimes you can't stand the hurt,
and nothing makes any sense,
sometimes it seems nothing is worth,
the pain that is so immense

Sometimes you just want it all to end,
and just let everything go away.
sometimes the trouble can't seem to mend,
and wherever you go they seem to lay.

and sometimes all you need is just one smile
and with someone your troubles to share
sometimes you can make the extra mile
all you need is someone to care.

HOW I LOVE YOU:

If i could take away your fears
and make them my own...
if it would stop your tears,
i would even be a clown

if i could take away all thats wrong
i would give you my smile...
if i had what makes you strong,
you would go the extra smile.

if i could take away all the pain,
i would be there through the hours..
if my tears would be your rain,
your garden would have flowers.

if to make your world perfect, i had the key,
i would give you this moment...
to make you happy, even if its without me.

What do you do when your solid rocks crumbles?

2007-08-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

You know how when you're small Mom and Dad were the heroes? they could fix anything, they could right wrongs, and heal even broken bones. Then for a spell, friends took place, and you trusted them,and hanged with them, and listened to them. After that the Babes took that part, and here you are, still trusting and loving them and being there for them. Well what do you do when your solid rock changes? honestly, what happens then? you have trusted them so far. And now they up and go change on you. They aren't the same, the do different things, they say things that hurt, they DO things that hurt, and they don't even seem to care. and what happens to you? do you change with them? do u accept them that way and start getting used to them all over? Or do you turn around and start anew?
We humans are social creatures, its is proven that we need other people, so most of our time, we are getting used to people, learning to trust them, learning to love them, and appreciate them more every day. But what do you do when your rocks start shifting? I guess I need your advices. Help a confused girl.

Take time to appreciate...

2007-07-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

I've been reflecting recently, my life can be so very complicated at times, and many times I don't find enought time to just appreciate. I think that we human beings don't take time to appreciat life it its simplicity. Honestly, if its not school that has us hasseled, it's the family, or the Job,(or the lack of one)or the boyfriend/girlfriend (or the lack of one) or some other thing. A plate of food for example, how many of us just gooble it down, and move right on to the next thign to do? Do we even give thanks that we are actually eating? there are millions of people around the world who would have cried with joy at that plate of food. It is true, that life can be complicated, but also, Its is Precios. I believe its time to appreciate... life in general. How many sunsets or sunrises have passed by, without us realizing the beauty of it. How many kisses have been given without true meaning. Really, look about, EVERYTHING has its own beauty. so today, just look about, kiss your little brother or sister and appreciate thier mischeviousness, Hug your mom, and appreciate that she's sucha great cook. When you tell that special someone 'I love you' mean it, and appreciate them for the things that made you fall in love. Take time to appreciate, Becuase someone out there appreciates you too!

The eight new things about me...

2007-07-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

Ok since beth tagged me.. here i go;

1. i have a boyfriend whom I am very much taken with...
2. i have seven brothers and no sisters (except sara whom i've adopted)
3. i love to have my back scratched..(who doesnt?)
4. i love pink underwear
5. i want to study photographing someday
6. i want leo to be my photographer for my wedding(if i ever marry:)
7. i will go to paris someday
8. i love music very much

ok.. just for the record, i could go on and on... thanks for tagging me beth.. but i don't really know much peeps, so i tag danny(humor me?) sara (makedmostoflife), and anyone else who i know....

ME- the imperfect me.

2007-05-30T20:55:00.002-07:00

Today after hearing mom rattle on and on that the rice didn't come out perfect, and that how come the washing wasn't perfectly done, I've come to a conclusion. I'M SO DAMN IMPERFECT!! I sat down today, and for more than a whole hour, I thought of my imperfections. I'm not a perfect daughter- I'm not a little lady- far from it, I prefer football than making perfectly round flour tortillas. I hate dresses, and many times prefer the company of male than the female species. I'm not a perfect sister- My 7 brothers get to my nerves a lot, I don't always help with the homeworks, I don't always get their food ready on time, and I'm definitely not a good role model. I'm not a perfect friend- Gosh, I have a really few friends, and sometimes, I'm bitchy, and selfish and jealous. I'm not a perfect student-ok, but not perfect, B+'s and such. Shucks, I'm not even a perfect liar or pretender- my colors just show up. Yap, I'm so not perfect. But who is? And this is me. This is who Judy is, the slightly overweight, loudmouthed girl. This is me, the girl who doesn't really give a damn if society doesn't like her or approve of her. This is me, the girl who does a million mistakes, the one who seems to be the ugly duckling of the clan. But hey.. I gots people who love me and accept me just the way I am.. and those few are enough. So, heres to all the peeps who like Judy just the imperfect way she is!I dedicate this one to you- My family, close friends and my sweety- thanks for loving me.And to those who don't.. learn to accept people the way they are, some things can change, but somethings are what define them...

Sometimes even the net gets boring...

2007-05-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

mien this sucks.. I'm bored honestly! School is out- Thank God, Sarah went home from last week- still no forgive her that yet- Hilbert went home too, mom and the kids are at school, dad at work, Junny working, abby God knows where, I've read my entire library trice, no football to play yet, and even the net is getting me bored. this is pathetic. i need to go recruit some new books. yeah its getting boring being home all day. and today i cut off my lovely hair. ha! see how idle i am. anyone- ideas of thing to do when even the net gets boring?

Awww.. the wonders of writing!

2007-05-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ever since I could hold a pen, I loved writing. I have Journals dating way back to the times when my ma used to put pigtails in my hair. Writing is a way of expressing yourself, in the most easiest manner- well for me it is. I love writing, when I start, I just seem to flow, and my fingers seem to be possessed. Its my way of letting loose, of letting go, seems like a little world in its own, this writing. and so I enter Blogosphere, (learned new word) and have decided to try my writing here.. I write about absolutely anything so be not surprised at some of the things you will read... nor do not laugh.. ok laugh just don't let me know! but yes, writing has its own wonders to experience, and I am so looking forward to extending my writing.
now how the heck do you add people in this 'blogging' thing?

Underneath it all....

2007-05-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

as I sit here, thinking of all the things I've said and done, all the times I let go... I know this is one time I won't give up, I won't let go. Cause underneath it all, I am stronger I am better. and I deserve you.

BLOGING

2007-05-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

weLL HelLO i'm new at blogging... i started after i saw leo's profile... i think its great... well i'll write later